One Day

She walks through the crowd wishing someone would hear her screams. This lonesome girl with nowhere to go, and no one to turn to. It's not like she has any major problems, nothing life threatening or serious, it's just lots of little things. She's tired of being lonely, having no hand to hold when she's feeling insecure, no one to protect her when things are looking dark. Oh, she has friends, and some good ones at that, but friends are not what she needs right now. The hustle and bustle of daily life are just too much to take when there's not a soul who will listen. They hear what she has to say, but they're not really listening. They ask if she's OK, if everythings going alright, and when she answers that she's doing fine, but things could be better, all they hear is that she's coping. All she wants in the world is for someone to love her, to hold her and protect her. Reassure her that her life isn't falling apart, that she's right on track and that one day (hopefully soon) the darkness surrounding her every day will brighten.

But for right now, she has to deal with the fact that she's by herself, all alone in her self-made twilight, keeping her eyes open for when her prince in shining armour will be gallop around the corner and sweep her off her feet.

What's in a name?

I was thinking the other day about names, and how we are defined by our name to a certain degree. Most parents have names already picked out for their unborn child, which to me seems odd. I'm the kind of person who cannot name something until i have seen it. Admittedly I have only named things like cars, pets and in my younger days, stuffed toys. I was just thinking about how what we are called is such an enormous part of our lives. There are many other people called Rachel out there, who are nothing like me, but they too are defined (I'm not sure that defined is the right word to use here) by their name. But it IS who we are. People who have been given nicknames that they use all the time then become so associated with that label, I guess it is, that we forget that they have real names. We get very defensive about our names. Like if someone spells it wrong, or pronounces it incorrectly. Why is this...? What it is about our names that we are so inclined to defend? Anyway...that was just some random thoughts that I had at about 3.00this morning!

And so it is

I know I seem to talk about this quite a lot, but my desire to turn back time will not go away. Every time I hear a song, look at a photograph or when something catches my eye it has the ability to take me back in time. Then there are the occasions that I look back to with regret, things I wish I could have changed somehow, done one little thing differently to completely change the outcome. But then, we have that unanswerable question of how would that affect things in the present? But that's not what I'm getting at right now, that's a whole different kettle of fish! At the minute I guess I'm just reflecting on times past and wishing I could be there to enjoy them all over again. If I could have a superpower, I think that would be it. Choosing a favourite time, and just totally reliving it - not changing anything, but just being there again. Like going back to Keene State College and being with my friends, not having anything of great purpose to worry about, or heading back to school aged 9 when your biggest priority at the start of term was ensuring you got the best bed in your dorm, and finding out which teacher was head of your lunch table. More recently there are the times over the summer when the sun was out, and we'd play in the park, go out drinking, have many a BBQ in the back garden, hang out with some awesome people. I think it's my great fear of change that's brought this whole post out tonight. Things are changing at the minute, and I don't like it. I know that, for the most part, everything that changes is for the best, and in a few weeks time it'll feel normal. It just that I'm not used to the situation right now, and it's scaring me. I just want to be able to go back to a time when everything seemed easy, and carefree. But then I suppose hindsight is a wonderful thing, because at that time, there were always things to worry about, we only chose to ignore those memories to make things easier for ourselves.

I've just re-read this and realised there is no point or structure to this post whatsoever, so I'm going to stop my ramblings now, and give you all a break!

MUSE at Wembley!!!!

Finally, I've got around to blogging about watching MUSE and other guests at Wembley last week! It was incredible. I just couldn't believe the whole size of the stadium. With a 90,000 capacity, it is really quite overwhelming when you walk through the doors to try and find your seats! Even from the walk there, watching this incredible structure loom closer and closer, I couldn't quite comprehend the sheer size.

This is how far away from the stage we were! But unlike most other gigs I've been to with seated tickets, the atmosphere was still electric, and full of suspense for both MUSE and My Chemical Romance. there were so many little Emo Kids about, it was funny! But i have to say i was just as excited about seeing My Chemical Romance as they were!

Because it was an early gig, the doors opened at about 2.45, but Beck and I went to Wembley via Camden, so we missed the very first act, she was a solo artist. But we did get there in time to watch Biffy Clyro. I don't really know a great deal of their music, but i was looking forward to seeing them all the same. They totally rocked out, busting out some epic sounds. We were that far away from the stage that when the drummer hit the drums, it took about half a beat for the sound to reach us...it was very strange watching it all happening on the big screens then hearing it a bit later! After Biffy had finished, we just sat a waited for MCR. By this point i was getting really quite excited! As much as i hate to admit it, I think there's a mini Emo in me trying to get out, and I went from absolutely hating the Romance, and dismissing their music, to actually really really liking it!

When they came out on stage, the crowd went wild (apart from the couple next to me, who turned to me and told me that they had never heard of this band before! ha ha), and they just went for it! My highlights have to be, Black Parade - which is a great song anyway, but hearing it live was awesome, and I Don't Love You - one of the ballads they do so well. Because Beck and I were so far away from the stage, we were quite thankful for the big screens on either side, it meant that we could watch the action up close, as supposed to watching little tiny ants, crawling about! I managed to take some pretty decent photos on my Phone, which i was quite pleased about! Becky...these are for you!!! Gerard Way was looking so hot! he started out looking just OK, then as the the show went on, he got hotter and hotter, literally, which meant that he kept sweeping his hair back....mmm!! I know we're meant to listen to music for the music, but a hot front man doesn't hurt at all does it???

So after singing my little heart out to MCR, there was about a 20 minute break, in which time Beck and I had to try and control ourselves! It was difficult I tell you! We went and had some food, came back to our seats just in time to hear the 5 minute announcement! That's when the cheering started...and didn't stop for about 2 hours!

As Wembley is a stadium, obviously it was still light when they came out at about 8.00pm, which was very bizarre. I had never been to a light MUSE show. I wasn't quite sure how it would work because the band always such amazing lighting and set designs. But as it got darker, the set became even more impressive. Those big red balls in the background, changed from red to blue and green, and there were flames and firework things too. They just played classic song after classic song. I know I may be a little biased, but there were no bad choices of songs...they were all incredible. this was the 5th time I'd seen muse live, and they just keep getting better and better. Every time Beck and I leave the gig, I'm sure we always say, "Wow, that was sooo much better than last time! Not that last was bad, it's just that this time it was INCREDIBLE!!!!!" We were absolutely going for it in the stands too. They opened with Knights of Cydonia, which is one of my favourites, and the best song to start off with, because it really gets the crowd going. Even though there were only 1 or 2 other people standing up at the start, we didn't care...we got up, and danced and sang as if there was no one else around! eventually other people started to join us until there were only 1 or other people still seated!

Considering there are only 3 of them in the band, they sound they make is just awesome. It's so epic, and enveloping. You just can't help but lose yourself totally in the music. So when it came to the end of the set we were a bit gutted, because it had just been an awesome show. But it was OK, we knew they'd come back and do and encore. Just as we were discussing which amazing show stopping tunes they would rock out to end the gig, out came Matt Bellamy with an acoustic guitar. they didn't belt out the real rocky stuff they usually do for the encore, but they did a totally acoustic set! Blackout from the album Absolution is so beautiful. It's really light and floaty, but still with a very big sound. So just as we were getting ourselves together after the excitement of some new variations on our favourite songs, the two larger spheres on either side of the stage floated upwards, to reveal acrobats suspended beneath them. The massive blue globes travelled down to touch the crowds beneath them, to get rise again, as if to touch the sky. It was so graceful, and magical as the music totally wrapped itself around every person there. Just as the balloons were descending back to the sides of the stage again, Matt Bellamy was just fiddling around on his guitar as he usually does, when all of a sudden it turned into the start of Unintended, my all time favourite Muse song. But because it is quite a slow ballad-y type, they never play it live. I actually gave out a little squeal of excitement before fighting back the tears. It was incredible, and so beautiful. Then as they finished the encore, there was really mixed emotions going on. We were kinda chilled out, but full of adrenaline from watching one of the best live bands EVER, but then also a little sad because it was over. However, there was still more to come. The guys came back out again, to finish the show in true MUSE style! The totally rocked out, and so did we! With the sun setting outside the stadium, the now iconic white semi-circle over the roof was glowing bright white, matching the stage. It was a perfect end to an incredible night. I can't wait until I can watch them again! Both MUSE and MCR!

Trust Your Heart

Is it happening now
That thing I craved
That feeling I've longed for
For so many days?

Is is really the truth
That way you feel
That sparkle in you eyes
Is it aimed at me?

'Cause I can't help but think
You've changed your mind
About the way you feel
And what you may find

I'm trying not to hope
So it's not ruined
What our years have built up
All our great doings

It's filled my heart for years
For you it's new
But please just trust your heart
You know it's all true

You once said no to us
Give it a chance
We fit so perfectly
So let our souls dance

Seriously Not Long To Go

I'm so excited...there is now only 1 full day to go, until i go and see MUSE! I'm so excited! I can't wait. I am a little gutted, because the whole MUSE gig thing was a birthday present to my friend for her birthday, and i was going to spend the weekend with her in London before the gig on sun day. But no...I've been made to work tomorrow night. Apparently I was the last person to book the weekend off (which i find hard to believe, seeing as it was almost a month ago), but such is life. So I've had to put off the weekend of fun, and make it just a night of hilarity. I'll be posting the report of the gig, when i have time.

Anyway...in the mean time, to quote the movie Ever After "It feel like my skin is the only thing holding me together". MUSE are going to be incredible!

It's all change on the Derby Front

At the end of this month, everything changes. After two and a half years, Daisy is moving up to York with her boyfriend. For a while it meant that I would have been housemate-less, but it's OK!!! Two of the chefs from work are going to move in with me! Yey! It should be really good fun, but I am concerned about living with two boys after so long! I like having male housemates, I think they bring a totally different dynamic to a flat. Instead of bitching and ignoring problems, they'll just have it out, and over and done with. There's less arguing and horrible atmosphere...however, they can also be very messy, smelly and childish!!!! :-) These guys are great though, and being chefs, I'm looking forward to having great food all the time. One issue that people brought up was the whole living and working together thing, but at the minute, we pretty much spend all our time together anyway, so I don't think it would be too much different. I'll have to keep you all updated on how it's going.

The strangest thing will be not having my best friend around all the time. York is only about 2 hours up the road, so it's not like it's the other side of the world, but even so. I'm just so used to having her around. And since we first moved back up to Derby after uni, we've been through so much! Our first house was just horrendous (oh my, there are hundreds of hideous stories there), and then the move to our current house whilst I had the mumps! All the gigs, and road trips, the various housemates, the neighbours, the ups and downs. There is so much there, it'll be odd to think that it's all coming to and end. But as Daisy keeps telling me nothing lasts forever, things will change and move on. Very deep, don't you think?

In other news, I'm going to see MUSE play at the new Wembley Stadium next Sunday! I'm so very very excited about this. Not only will MUSE be there, but they are supported by Biffy Clyro and My Chemical Romance...WOOO HOOOO!!!!! I'll definitely blog after that weekend and tell you all about it! Yey.

Right, I'm off to make Fajitas now, before going to see Oceans 13!

Back Again...

Last weekend it was my mom's birthday, so the whole family went to stay with my sister just outside London. We had a champagne breakfast, followed by the gift-giving. Then later on in the week, as part of the birthday celebrations, we all went to The Ritz for tea. That was so exciting. It was great to pretend to be a grown up for a while. It was all so proper and English! We were shown to our table, seated, and had our napkins put onto our knees for us! We were then asked what kind of tea we would prefer to drink, and a silver plate rack was placed on the table. Not long after that a plate of sandwiches was brought over. Now these sandwiches were perfect. They were crustless, and cut into identically sized fingers. There was chicken, ham, egg and cress, smoked salmon and also cream cheese and cucumber. They were all so delicious it was a good job they kept refilling the plate. I don't think I've ever eaten so many sandwiches! When we had had our fill of the bready treats, a plate of fresh scones was brought over. There were pots of jam and cream on the table already, which of course are the only accompaniment to scones. Again, the waiter kept on bringing over more and more scones...it would have been rude of us to turn them down, so just as we thought we could no longer eat any more, one more scone would magically appear on the plate!!! Of course during all this we had countless cups of tea, I'm sure i must have drunk about 8 or 9 cups. it's alright though, because I'm sure tea solves the world's problems, and i can always drink tea, no matter when or where!!! To finish off the very posh tea, there was a plate of miniature cakes. these unfortunately weren't refilled, so the four of us had to make-do with the 5 cakes we got! I really didn't think you could eat so much at tea-time! the whole experience was thoroughly enjoyable, and as I said, it was great fun trying to be all grown up and civilized, as supposed the wannabe student I really am!!!

I have to say though, after a week away, I'm glad to be back again. However, i'm really not looking forward to going back to work again tomorrow...it's going to be a shock to the system. I have enjoyed being a lady of leisure for a while. Aren't vacatioons just the best?!?

Still Here

I'm not sure if anyone's still checking this, as it has been months and months since my last post, and even then they were few and far between...but I'm still around, and I'm really going to try and post more regularly, because I have found myself missing the whole blogging thing. So here starts my conscious effort to blog more.

I've just has the most awesome week...but in true Rach style, I don't have time right now to write about it, so I'll update you all soon...that's a PROMISE!

I'll be back!

I'm on the bandwagon!

I finally gave in, and bought myself an ipod...i know I must be one of the few people on the planet who didn't have one until now, but it generally takes me a while to get into the whole trend thing! I've only had my pink ipod nano for a day, but already i can't remember life without it! it's amazing! sooooo tiny, yet with so much space for music. i no longer need Cd's (other than to fall asleep to at night!) as i can put almost my entire collection on my nano. new toys are always exciting! I got given some money for my birthday a couple of weeks ago, and i think i might use it to buy some funky accessories for new toy! Yey!

As I was saying before I'm not one for jumping on the bandwagon. At least not for most things...and ipods were one of them. i never saw the fuss really. Yeah, they look cool, but they do things that many other MP3 players do. it's just that they were one of the first of their kind. the reason I chose an ipod over any of the other makes was because it's an apple product, and I feel that apple have been ripped off in the past due to Microsoft and what not. I'm not overly bothered about the whole rivalry thing, because i am quite happy to use a Microsoft computer with my windows xp etc. But I do like to help out 'the little guys' (if you can call apple such a thing nowadays!). For instance, i would rather go to my local corner shop for my everyday groceries, as supposed to the larger (better) chain store just a little bit further up the road. Mainly because it's a family run store, and the people are just so lovely! The amount of times that we've been in there while they've been cooking their dinner, and they offer us some delicious chicken, or a pakora or two.

Wow, I've just re-read this and I'm blabbering nonsense! but then i guess that's the point of blogs!

I'm going to go and play with my new toy some more now.

Take care everyone.....

The Changing Seasons

It's been forever since my last post, and the more posts I write, the more I seem to start with that sentence. I'll get around to writing more regularly one day!

Christmas at the restaurant was manic...we were working 12 hour days with only an hours break in between shifts. It was hard work, but the tips were awesome, so I guess I can't complain too much!!! I'm still enjoying it a lot, and have met some real interesting people. One thing I've learnt though, is that when it comes to respect, and therefore friendliness, you get what you give. We've had some horrendously rude people in recently. There was this one man who wouldn't even look at me when I talked to him. He wafted me away with a little flick of his had at one point, as if I would respond like an animal. He got me so riled up that I had to get someone else to go over to their table for the rest of the night. I gave him no respect what so ever, he didn't deserve any. If I don't get respect and politeness, then I don't give any, within reason. That's the one thing about working with the public, is always having to be nice to people, even when they're the nastiest people around. But luckily for us, the ratio of nice to nasty people in our restaurant is definitely in favour of the nice people.

Anyway, I'm sure you don't want to hear about the ins and outs of my job...so I'll just leave it there. This was just a quick post to show that I'm still around, and reading blogs, even if I'm not writing my own at the min. I'll try and update more often.

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and New Year. Take Care....