Thursday, June 28, 2007

And so it is

I know I seem to talk about this quite a lot, but my desire to turn back time will not go away. Every time I hear a song, look at a photograph or when something catches my eye it has the ability to take me back in time. Then there are the occasions that I look back to with regret, things I wish I could have changed somehow, done one little thing differently to completely change the outcome. But then, we have that unanswerable question of how would that affect things in the present? But that's not what I'm getting at right now, that's a whole different kettle of fish! At the minute I guess I'm just reflecting on times past and wishing I could be there to enjoy them all over again. If I could have a superpower, I think that would be it. Choosing a favourite time, and just totally reliving it - not changing anything, but just being there again. Like going back to Keene State College and being with my friends, not having anything of great purpose to worry about, or heading back to school aged 9 when your biggest priority at the start of term was ensuring you got the best bed in your dorm, and finding out which teacher was head of your lunch table. More recently there are the times over the summer when the sun was out, and we'd play in the park, go out drinking, have many a BBQ in the back garden, hang out with some awesome people. I think it's my great fear of change that's brought this whole post out tonight. Things are changing at the minute, and I don't like it. I know that, for the most part, everything that changes is for the best, and in a few weeks time it'll feel normal. It just that I'm not used to the situation right now, and it's scaring me. I just want to be able to go back to a time when everything seemed easy, and carefree. But then I suppose hindsight is a wonderful thing, because at that time, there were always things to worry about, we only chose to ignore those memories to make things easier for ourselves.

I've just re-read this and realised there is no point or structure to this post whatsoever, so I'm going to stop my ramblings now, and give you all a break!

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