Sunday, March 27, 2005

Looking Forward to Looking Back

I often wonder where I'll be in the future, and more importantly, how I'll look back on my life. Shane Nickerson talked about a similar topic not too long ago, and that's what got me thinking. My life at the moment is very much in the air. I graduated from University not too long ago, and fully expected (as we had been told our whole university lives) to go pretty much straight into a good job. As a student you live in this wonderful bubble; you have a guaranteed income of your student loan, (it may disappear quickly, but it's ok, you know you'll get another one!), if you're in halls, your accomodation is all inclusive, which means you know the gas will never run out, and you'll always have hot water. You are somewhat protected from the harsh reality of life outside University. As students you are led to believe that after your degree you will be held in much higher regard when it comes to jobs than 'non-students'.

When you do a degree in an open-ended subject such as American Studies, finding a job becomes a little harder, especially when your bubble of security bursts. As I left University I found myself living at home, working as a waitress/barmaid in a small country pub. Now, don't get me wrong, I mostly enjoyed working there, but its not something that I would want to do for the rest of my life. So I decided to move back up to the city where I went to University, and find a better job. That better job involves sitting in front of a computer for 8 hours a day copying information from a piece of paper into a database! Talk about dream jobs!?! I keep telling myself that it's just a temporary job until I find something I really want to do, but while I'm working here, I find I have very little time to actually LOOK for something I want to do.

In so many ways I just wish that somebody would come up to me and tell me that I will find my dream job, and that I'll be very happy and have a comfortable life. I'm not asking to be rich, (although I wouldn't turn it down if it came to it!!) all I'm asking for is the opportunity to live without having to worry too much about the finances. Of course that's not all that it comes down to, there are just so many questions I have to ask, but no one to answer them! I want someone to put a plan in front of me of exactly how my life will pan out, where I'll be and when. But then, when i actually sit down and think about, the more I dislike that idea. I'll never be able to make mistakes, and learn from them, and I reckon that ultimately, my life will turn out for the worse. I'll always be worrying that the desicions I make will be the wrong ones to get me where I need to go.

I suppose I'll just have to wait and see what life has in store for me, and live MY life to best that I can, taking each day for what it is. I hope that everyone can do the same.


Lorianne said...

Hey!!! Welcome to the blogosphere! I followed the link you'd posted in a comment on Shane's blog: good to hear you've taken the blogging plunge!

Regarding your musings here...sigh. There's no easy answer. Even those of us who are "older & wiser" (ha!) struggle with these questions: if you find someone who gives you "the Answer" in this regard, send them my way so I can ask her or him a few... :-)

Rach said...

Hi, thanks Lorianne,

I'll be sure to send them your way when/if I find them! teehee

Jean said...

Hi Rach. Lorianne's right of course! The one piece of advice I would feel able to give is 'be bold, not sensible' If you should ever find yourself continuing for a long time in the situation you describe, so much of your time and energy taken by a job that isn't really what you want that it's difficult to put your mind to what you want instead - stop, move, do something different, don't let this continue - it can continue for your whole life, and for far too many people it does. As you are saving up to travel, I'm sure this is not your case at them moment.